Season 3 | 4 | 5

Anya: Crap. Look at this! Now I’m burdened with a husband and several tiny pink children, more cash than I can reasonably manage...
Xander: That means you’re winning.
Anya: Really?
Xander: Yes. Cash equals good.
Anya: Ooh! I’m so pleased. Can I trade in the children for more cash?
(Episode: Real me)



Anya: He’ll take it. Xander, go get the furniture, I’ll wait here. He’s been living in his drunken parents’ basement where something urinated on the hot plate.
Xander: Anya, can we talk quietly over there? Excuse us.
(Episode: The Replacement)




Anya: So... what happens next?
Suavexander: Well, at some point we take off our clothes.
Anya: I mean what happens next in our lives? When do we get a car?
Suavexander: A car?
Anya: And a boat. No, wait, I - I don’t mean a boat. I mean a puppy. Or a child. I have a list somewhere.
Suavexander: What are you talking about?
Anya: Just ... we have to get going. I don’t have time just to let these things happen.
Suavexander: There’s no hurry.
Anya: Yes there is. There’s a hurry, Xander. I’m dying.
Anya: I may have as few as fifty years left.
Suavexander: Fifty years? What is thi- Oh, wait a minute. This is about this.
Anya: What about the sling?
Suavexander: You haven’t been hurt like this since you became human. Maybe it’s finally hitting you what being human means.
Anya: No, that’s not it.
Suavexander: Yes, I think it is. You were gonna live for thousands of years. And now you’re gonna age and die. That must be terrifying.
Anya: You don’t understand what it’s like.
Suavexander: Being suddenly human? I think I can get what that would be like. And we can get through it together.
Anya: You can’t make it any different. I’m going to get old. And ... you can’t promise you’ll be with me when I’m ... wrinkly and my teeth are artificial and stuck into my wrinkly mouth with an adhesive.
Suavexander: No, I can’t promise that. But it doesn’t sound terrible. And that’s saying something. I promise you, Anya. Very soon you won’t be thinking about getting older.
(Episode: The replacement)




Anya: So ... you Xanders really do have all the same memories, all the same ... physical attributes?
Suavexander: We’re completely identical.
Scruffyxander: Yeah, we checked out some stuff in the car on the way over. Fingerprints!
Anya: Well, maybe we shouldn’t do this reintegration thing right away. See, I can take the boys home, and ... we can all have sex together, and ... you know, just slap ‘em back together in the morning.
Suavexander: She’s joking.
Scruffyxander: No she’s not! She entirely wants to have sex with us together. Which is ... *wrong*, and, and it would be very confusing.
Giles: Uh, uh, we just need to arrange the candles. Also, we should continue to pretend we heard none of the disturbing sex talk.
Willow: Check. Candles and pretense.
(Episode: The replacement)


Giles: I think I liked it better when demons would just crash in here and tear the place apart. Just seemed so much simpler.
Anya: You’re out of crystal balls. Those babies are really popular with the amateurs. Better re-stock and raise the price 10%. Make it 15.
Giles: Anya...
Anya: Your cash register looks like squirrels nest in it.
Giles: Anya...
Anya: And the Hand of Glory packs some serious raw power. Better institute a seven-day background check for—-
Giles: Anya! Would you like a job?
Anya: Okay.
Giles: Good. Then we can talk shop tomorrow.
Anya: Okay.... boss.
(Episode: No place like home)


Giles: Could we perhaps please be a little less effusive, Anya? Don’t want to frighten the people.
Anya: I’m just so excited. They come in, I help them ... they give us money in exchange for goods ... you give me money for working for you ... I have a place in the world now. I’m part of the system. I’m a working gal.
(Episode: Family)


Anya: Yeah, a few thousand years ago there was this cult, the temple of Sobek.
Buffy: Sobek.
Anya: Reptile demon. Sobekites were reptile worshippers.
Xander: Just once I would like to run into a cult of bunny worshippers.
Anya: Great. Thank you very much for those nightmares.
Xander: Sorry.
(Episode: Shadow)






Anya: That’s so very humorous. Make fun of the ex-demon! I can just hear you in private. ‘I dislike that Anya. She’s newly human and strangely literal.’
Willow: Anya, I don’t say that. No one says that. No one talks that way.
Anya: There’s nothing wrong with my idea anyway. I’ve been very good for this store. If it wasn’t for me, Giles would be a terrified old man staring at a quarterly tax statement and wetting himself.
Giles: I say, that’s an exaggeration.
Willow: Anya, you’ve helped out a lot, but I have too.
Anya: Yes, I forgot about all the vigorous sitting around.
Xander: Anya, you can back off a little. You get paid. Willow’s doing this on her own time.
Anya: I’m sorry, Willow. Thank you for making time in your busy life to come in here and get in the way of mine.
Xander: Anya, play nice.
Anya: You know, fine, take her side instead of mine - even though I’m the one who sleeps with you and feeds you, bathes you...
Willow: She bathes you?
Xander: Only in an erotic, Penthouse-y way, not in a sponge-bath-y geriatric sort of...
Giles: Please! Stop, I beg of you.
(Episode: Into the woods)



Anya: A little after-hours hanky-panky in the training room, huh? Boy, Xander and I could tell you some stories...
Xander: Not now. Let’s go, Anya.
Anya: There’s a funny thing with the vaulting horse that you can tr...
Xander: Anya!
Anya: What? He started it.
Xander: In your world, maybe, but where the people are, this isn’t the time for ‘Tales of Anya and Xander’s Sexcapades.’
Anya: Oh. Uh, well, maybe we can go home and, you know, have ‘em.
Xander: Actually, I’ve got some stuff to take care of.
(Episode: Into the woods)


Xander: Yeah, when we went to deal with that vampire nest, she got all Rambo and torched the place. Something seriously bad is going on with her.
Anya: Oh, I don’t know, maybe you’re overreacting. I mean, who hasn’t done stuff like that from time to time? I mean, I made this one guy spontaneously combust,
and he set his whole village on fire.
(Episode: Into the woods)


Anya: The cash register! What did you do with the cash register? Dear god!
Willow I’ll fix it, I’ll fix it! Recursat.
Willow: There, all back. Good as new.
Anya: Money. Did you hurt the money? Money good? She endangered the money!
Willow: Of course, that’s what she cares about. “I like money better than people. People can so rarely be exchanged for goods and/or services.”
Anya: Xander, she’s pretending to be me!
Willow: Well, can you even believe how she’s acting?
(Episode: Triangle)


Anya: Anya Christina Emanuella Jenkins, twenty years old. Born on the fourth of July, and don’t think there weren’t jokes about that my whole life, mister, ‘cause there were. “Who’s our little patriot?” they’d say, when I was younger, and therefore smaller and shorter than I am now.
Philip: So, you spell it A-N-Y-A, yes?
Anya: Yes.
Philip: Fine, now we can get to the questions.
(Episode: Checkpoint)


Tara: You, you can do all this stuff with a regular computer?
Anya: I’ll show you. You can also see the website I designed for the magic shop.
Huge photo of me.
(Episode: I was made to love you)



Joyce: I think we’re just about ready for pie.
Xander: Then I’ll be pretty much ready for barf.
Buffy: Xander!
Xander: No, no, barf from the eating. ‘Cause all was good, and too much goodness...
Joyce: I’m taking it as a compliment.
Giles: Yes, uh, everything was delicious.
Anya: Yes, I’m going to barf too.
(Episode: The body)